I
got the opportunity to chat with Tina Anderson and Mandy Miller today and one
of the many things we talked about was sexual abuse within the cult. We talked about being silenced after trying
to tell someone about the abuse and the fears that nag at the back of your mind
as an adult. We talked about how
difficult it is to find people who understand the dynamic of being an abuse
victim in the cult and being glad for those people who can’t understand. As always, it got me to thinking…
Though
the sexual abuse of children runs rampant throughout the IFB, something that
came to mind is how most girls growing up in such an atmosphere end up with
sexual dysfunction of some kind whether they were molested/raped or not. Many of the post-traumatic stress symptoms
overlap. While talking, Mandy commented
that though not all of us have been abused sexually, almost all of us have had
our sexuality abused. Through constant
lectures about modesty, being forced to take responsibility for ‘keeping men’s
thoughts pure’, putting up with ridicule if boys or men took ‘inappropriate
interest’ in us, taught to believe that any kind of sexual interest was from
the ‘pit of hell’ and so on, cast such a poor light on the image of the female
body many women developed an extreme fear of men and sex. For some, the fear is so overwhelming that
even though the ideal dream was to grow up, get married to an up and coming
preacher boy and raise a house full of children, the thought of ‘giving one’s
body’ to her spouse was as disgusting to her as it was to sexual abuse and rape
victims.
Being
a survivor of sexual abuse is devastating.
On the outside however, when we start to share our stories there is
validation, help and support. People
empathize with our pain, join us in our anger and encourage us in our quest for
healing. But what about all those who
have had sexuality abused without having been abused sexually? How many women carry around these deep wounds
and believe it’s not important enough to talk about or seek help for? And how many people, aside from IFB survivors
are able to understand the dynamic behind the lies women have believed for so
long?
Since
Mandy and I met, she has shared with me her fear of men and the panic she
experienced every time she would consider getting married and having
children. She wants a family, but can’t
get past a nagging belief that submitting to a husband would set her up for
spousal rape. Submission to the husband
is set up as a type of submission to God.
I heard many sermons on the subject growing up. From the moment we were old enough to understand,
we were conditioned to blindly accept the fact that once married, the head of
the household’s word was law. So to
refuse to sexually satisfy him would be to refuse a command from God.
Survivors
all across the country are breaking free from the religious aspects of the cult
and finding tremendous freedoms! But how
many, though free from legalism and spiritual abuse, are still trapped because
of the lies about sexuality? It’s not an
easy subject do discuss. Even after
gaining a solid understanding that so much of what we were taught was a pack of
lies, discussing any type of sexual dysfunction usually brings with it shame,
guilt and fear.
About
a year ago, Jocelyn started calling the IFB a sex trafficking ring. The way pedophiles are protected and shuttled
from one place to another to avoid discovery and “damage the cause for Christ”,
she’s absolutely right. But I’ve come to
believe it goes much deeper. The destruction
of women’s sexuality not only opens children up for abuse, but women and wives
as well. By abusing an individual’s
sexuality, she is being groomed for sexual abuse; as silenced child or as a
submissive wife.
